I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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