I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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