You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
