I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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