I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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