this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
