You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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