No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
