I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
