In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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