She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
