I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
