so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
