I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
