Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
