He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
