Pappa wants mamma naked
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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