I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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