Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
