I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
