Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
