We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize