Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
