I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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