Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
