I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
