Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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