For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
