i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
