He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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