Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know her cup size but not her name....
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