Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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