He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
