the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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