i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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