Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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