Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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