did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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