Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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