She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
