I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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