I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
