True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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