So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So. Much. Porn.
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