We won't sleep together?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize