I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
