no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
