This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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