let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
