i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
