He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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