her vagine was all disorganized.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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