Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
