So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
