We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
