You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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