Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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