I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
