she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
