You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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