thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
