and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
