I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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