That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was born a porn star she said
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
