is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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