I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
