Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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