redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
