My cat gives me a boner
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
