i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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