I love black thongs
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
