the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
