Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can you bring me the toilet please
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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