someone threw a dead crab at me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
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