could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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