His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
