My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
