i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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