How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize