You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
