genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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