Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
