Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
