I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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