JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize