Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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