He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
