You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
