you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
