I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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