I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
