Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
