I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
