You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
