i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
