Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
