ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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