im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
