so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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