I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
