Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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