Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
