I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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