i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
