i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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