I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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