I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
