isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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