Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
