there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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