youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
