Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
