I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
