I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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