She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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